Well here it is, our baby is one.   I’m going to try really hard to not say how fast she is growing and how quick this time has gone but this milestone is a tough one for me.  She is our last.  There will be no more newborn Strebels.  And while I look forward to the next stage in our life; going to movies together, taking our kids on vacations; this innocent  and sweet baby stage will be missed.  A lot.

Let’s rewind a bit.  We knew we wanted three kids but when we discussed the possibility of having a third, we knew we were way too busy with our first two and we would discuss the possibility of a third child in one year.  The next day,  I found out I was pregnant.

I was terrified.  When I say Sawyer and Charlotte kept  me busy, it was an understatement. I had no idea how I was going to care for a newborn with a toddler and a preschooler on my hands.  It took about nine months for me to get over the shock of that test but in between the test and the birth, I fell in love with you.  I KNEW you were a girl, I just KNEW it.  I felt a bond to you like I did not have with the others during the pregnancy stage.  On January 20th at 5:00am, we arrived at the hospital and at 5:30am you were born.  (Read her birth story here.)

My world was turned upside down.  You were tiny and the doctors worried about you but you passed every singe test with flying colors.  I felt ADDICTED to you.  It was the sweetest of addictions.   If someone else held you, I wanted you back, NOW. It was like I was a starving animal and you were my nourishment.   I stayed at the hospital with you without Daddy and we had time to get to know each other.  You stared at me, you held my hand.   Me?  Mostly I cried because you were beautiful and I was in love and could not image a day without you.

Bringing a home a baby in the winter was scary.  The kids brought home preschool germs and I tried to keep you away from them but they weren’t having it.  They were addicted too,  “I have a toy for Vivian.  I have a kiss for Vivian.  Does Vivian love me as much as I love her?”  Sweet questions and adorable actions.  Why was I so terrified of three kids?  I became busier than I ever thought possible, I felt stressed when things weren’t going my way. I was wondering if I would ever make dinner again for the family.

But we figured things out.  It’s okay to be busy, it’s okay to get stressed because I had three amazing kids I got to snuggle with at night.  Who cares about a Martha Steward dinner when you have three kids hugging your legs. We are lucky.

This year flew by. You had oxygen issues at our high altitude but eventually grew out of that.  At six months, you were the size of most newborns but still acted like a six month old.  To see the look on a stranger’s face when they saw this tiny little thing push herself around, sitting up, standing while holding onto toys was entertainment.  You were like the small wonder baby.

 

Everyone tells me how gorgeous you are.  EVERYONE!  We took the lightrail from Golden to Denver the other week and I had several young men who normally have ZERO interest in babies and kids walk up to me, “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you but I’ve never seen such a beautiful baby.  Can you move her to the side so my friend could see?”  Uhhh sure.    I would like to say it’s your eyes, or your nose or your cute little lips but I think most of it is your sweet personality. You don’t just look at someone, you bat your eyes and win them over.

You used to say Mamma and Dadda but replaced those with uh-oh.  It’s pretty darn cute.

You are testing out the walking thing very slowly but you get around so fast crawling, I’m not sure you have much interest in actuaully walking.

When you reach for me, my heart tears.  It’s the most passionate of reaches ever and I could never resist you.

We are just crazy about you and have been since we all met you.  Of course I love you just like I love my other kids, but I feel a different bond between us. I told someone the other day, “It’s weird, it’s like we are old friends and  have this strange feeling she’ll grow into being my best friend.”

We can’t wait to see what is in store for you as you get older.  The fear I felt when I was pregnant feels so incredibly silly now.  How could I be nervous?  How was I sooo scared?  You light up our days and I can’t fathom them without you.

We love you more than you could ever know.  Happy 1st birthday my love!

 

-Mommy