I picked my son up from preschool a few days after I had Vivian and made the usual small talk with Sawyer asking about his day and finishing it up by telling him I loved him. Being four years old and one to ask why to anything and everything, I drove up the canyon giving him reasons why I loved him.
I love how kind you are.
I love how good you are at being a big brother.
I love how sensitive you are.
I love that you always think of others.
I love how smart you are.
I love how much you love so many other people.
I love that you are such a good helper.
I love that you are the best son ever.
I went on and on and on and as I went on, tears fell from my eyes because I just couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have him. My son is AMAZING and not only do I have him, I have his sister Charlotte and as of January 20th, ANOTHER little girl. I mean, can I get any luckier? I always wondered if I could love my second as much as my first and then I HAD another child and my heart grew in ways I never thought possible.
Being clumsy I always loved the phrase falling in love. Well because I fall a lot and I know that during a fall, you lose all control of the outcome, the only steadfast thing you can trust during a fall is that you will be a victim of gravity. You aren’t sure how hard you’ll hit the ground, you can’t erase the fall and it happens usually without warning. But a continuous fall, a free fall of sorts with love as the gravitational pull, pulling you further and further from the place you stood before. Falling, without hitting ground. Those falls are much more rare.
And here we are, a little family of FIVE, falling in love once again.
I. Am. Lucky.
I’m not sure where this birth story starts. I really wasn’t too sure of my REAL due date but had the typical 28 day cycle due date of January 28th… that I knew was totally off. Since we live way up in the mountains and sitters are rare, we decided to fly grandma in on the 23rd in hopes that she would arrive before our newest addition decided to show up.
That didn’t happen.
The week leading up to her arrival, I just didn’t feel good. I felt awful. I wanted her out. I wanted to feel good. I wanted to be myself again. With my last two birth stories, I had the same signs about 48 hours before I went into labor and just hoped I would get that same sign. Well, I never got those signs and just assumed the baby would be holding off until Grandma’s arrival. I planned for another natural delivery just like the last but was beyond frightened to actually go natural again. The contractions I had with Charlotte was the worst pain times a thousand. The contractions were painful beyond words and when I didn’t think they could get worse they did. They were horrendous and WOW, bad. I could go on and on and on but that feeling after I had her? THAT was amazing and that is what I wanted again.
Knowing what real contractions felt like and knowing what transition felt like without an epidural, I thought I had a pretty good gauge regarding pain and when to go to the hospital. I also have a history of contractions starting at two minutes apart and a three hour labor from start to finish with Charlotte so I knew there wasn’t much time to mess around. THAT and we live about 45 minutes away from the hospital.
So I packed a little home birthing kit just in case we didn’t make it.
But that didn’t happen either.
Sunday morning I woke up a little after two in the morning.
Contraction, contraction, contraction, contraction.
They didn’t hurt much but they didn’t stop so I decided to get up and time them: 30 second contractions less than two minutes apart.
And they stayed that way.
But I didn’t have the usual signs of labor and these were only 30 seconds AND they didn’t really hurt THAT much.
So I decided to google Lance Armstrong and Oprah since all sorts of people were talking about it and I didn’t get to see the interview.
Then I decided to text my friend that was on call to let her know I was having contractions but not sure if it was the real thing…. and kept reading about Lance.
The contractions STILL weren’t going away after a few articles so I decided to brush my teeth and let Geoff know that I could possibly be in labor.
He shot up, got ready and looked for his phone to call the other on-call sitter down the street.
I decided to email a friend instead.
Contraction, contraction, contraction, contraction. At this point, I couldn’t walk or talk through the contractions but they still didn’t hurt that bad so I just kinda hoped they would stop.
Finally Geoff was standing there staring at me, “Uhhhh, are you in labor? I think you should call the doctor? Should I call the sitter?”
“Ummm, they aren’t going away so I guess you should call her. I’ll call the doctor in a second…”
At 3am Geoff called the sitter and I called the doctor.
The sitter THANKFULLY answered and said she would be right there and the doctor said I should get in to be checked.
FORTY FIVE minutes later the sitter showed up. I might have been in more pain at this point. She walked in the door as a contraction hit and I didn’t say a thing. Geoff waved me into the car and we left.
And just like driving the hospital with Charlotte, I was super thankful every time we made it to new turn another bend in the road and further down the canyon. Once I knew we were off the canyon and had cell reception, all worries went away. If I had this baby, we could call for help. Geoff sped along with each contraction as I calmed him believing we had plenty of time. Because though the contractions hurt, they didn’t hurt as bad as they did with Charlotte. At 4:30 we pull into the hospital parking lot. I walk in to the emergency room and bent over the desk with each contraction. People looked at me odd, the front desk lady asked if I’m in labor.
Ummm, no, I just like to stop by the emergency room while moaning in pain at 4 am for fun sometimes is what I WANTED to say but instead replied, “I think?” As they got me into a wheelchair, we waited for Geoff to park the car. It seems like we waited and waited and waited. Finally he walked in and they pushed me toward labor and delivery stopping with every contraction because the girl was afraid I was going to throw up.
Ummm, you should be more afraid that you are going to deliver this baby!
But we arrive in the room and of course contractions hit but I walk toward the bed in hopes to grasp what looks to be the most amazing thing I’ve seen in months on the tray above the bed…
A chocolate bar.
I’ve had a chocolate shortage around here and RIGHT THERE on the tray before me was a chocolate bar.
Oh I love this hospital. I love you, I love you, I love you HOSPITAL! You are my favorite hospital. You have chocolate waiting for me when I feel my worst. I shall forever be in debt to you hospital.
And when the contraction was over and I turned the chocolate bar over to see what type of chocolate bar it was (Please be dark chocolate..), I was saddened to find the oasis of chocolate before me was nothing but a pack of hand sanitizing wipes.
I take back everything I said about you hospital.
Contraction, contraction, contraction. I laid on the bed to be checked as they asked questions. “I was only dilated to 1/2 on Tuesday.” “Birth plan? To not curse as much as last time.” “Epidural? No thanks.”
“Well you are at 8 so I don’t think you have time” The nurse states.
“So I AM in labor?”
They laugh.
“This bed is comfortable” I say as they adjust it to my liking.
A bad contraction hits, “WHAT IS STABBING ME IN THE LEG?!?!?!??!” I yell.
“That would be your comfortable bed.” They laugh.
Through contractions I pull myself to the side of the bed, I breathe. I remember my friend Nikki said to pretend like I was scuba diving, and to scuba breathe so I do that. I think of my jaw, I tell myself to relax my jaw and I as I relax myself I can really feel my body working, I can feel the pull of contractions working in the way they should work. I realize that THIS is what labor should feel like and that I was indeed having intense back labor during my last baby. This labor felt tough but decent enough for me to power though. This labor was actually, dare I say it, easy.
And for some reason their laughing doesn’t annoy me. I laugh a bit too. That darn bed. And their lightheartedness doesn’t annoy me, I just like them back. Everything that annoyed me when I was in labor with Charlotte was funny or cute this time. This labor was a cake walk compared to the last.
After maybe fifteen minutes, I yell I need to go the potty (Can you tell I have kids?) and they hand me a bedpan but I don’t want to use a bed pan I don’t know HOW to use a bed pan and I just couldn’t go in a bed pan and anther contraction hits and I’m yelling, “You need to check me, check me, check me right now!!!!! ARRRRRRGGGGG!!!!!”
“Okay, okay. do you feel like pushing?”
“YES, ARRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!”
I hear them calling for the doctor saying they don’t think she’ll make it, I hear them paging any doctor that could get there as I pull myself up and start to push. Geoff asks what he wants me to have him do but I don’t know. I don’t even know what to do myself.
“You are a ten with a tiny bit of cervix but you can push through it but don’t push until you feel a-“
“AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” The nurses get in place and with my first push the water breaks. I try as hard as I can to wait for another contraction but just want her out SO bad, I want this pain to stop , I want to meet my girl, I don’t want to be in the pain I was with Charlotte, I want the bed higher, I want the bed lower, I don’t know what I want.
Another contraction hits and the doctor runs in just in time for me to push again and I feel her head in me. I feel the ring of fire. I know it’s her but no one says anything. Geoff says he couldn’t believe that after our tiny bit of time there, he was looking at the head of our daughter but didn’t want to tell me either and get my hopes up.
“Is she there? Is that her head? I feel her head? I know it’s her head.”- I say between contractions.
And I push again and her head IS out and OMG, it happened so fast and I just pushed out the rest of her because it was so darn easy. This labor was so darn easy. The contractions were pretty darn easy, I’m pushing my baby out!
The doctor held her up and I saw how tiny she was. She screamed a loud scream and I was so proud. The doctor unwrapped the cord that was around her neck twice and let Geoff cut the cord. It seemed like they were holding her forever, too darn long, they were hoarding my baby! GIVE ME MY BABY!
“Can I have her? Can I have her? She is gorgeous and tiny. Give her to me!”
The nurses handed me the most gorgeous little being. She was bitty and beautiful and I loved her instantly. I stared at her and she stared at me. I marveled at her large eyes and the nose that looks just like her Daddy’s. She held my hand and as we stared at each other for what seemed to be like forever. I started falling…
“Does this little one have a name?” The nurses asked.
“Vivian Winter.” We replied.
Vivian Winter Strebel was born on January 20th at 5:01am just 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital. She weighed a tiny 4 pounds 13 ounces which they contribute to being a high altitude pregnancy. She is perfectly healthy and we were home with her one day later though they predicted we would be there at least a day longer. The doctors call her small but mighty as she passed test after test with flying colors, latched on like a pro and has gained back her birth weight after only five days.
Instantly after having her, I felt amazing. I didn’t tear and was walking around taking pictures after they allowed me to use the rest room. I feel better than I have in months and can not believe how lucky I am to have a handsome husband and now three beautiful and healthy children.
Excuse me while I take a bit of time off to bond as family of five we are falling pretty hard over here.
Can you blame us?
